I remember being told, countless times, to "follow my dreams." It was the ultimate advice, whispered by well-meaning adults, splashed across motivational posters, and sung in Disney movies. And for years, I tried. I chased vague notions of success, happiness, and a 'perfect' life that felt just out of reach.
But here's the uncomfortable truth I've learned: "Follow your dreams" is often terrible advice.
It sounds inspiring, doesn't it? Like a warm hug for the soul. Yet, in practice, it can be a recipe for profound disappointment, inaction, and a lifelong feeling of inadequacy. It pushes kids toward a destination without equipping them for the journey.
The Dream Trap: Why Vague Aspirations Fail Us
When we tell a child to "follow their dreams," what exactly are we telling them to do? Is it to become a famous singer? A millionaire entrepreneur? An astronaut? These are outcomes, often romanticized and divorced from the gritty, unglamorous reality of how they're achieved.
Here’s why it’s problematic:
- It's too vague: A "dream" is an abstract concept. It lacks a map, a compass, or even a starting point.
- It ignores the grind: Success isn't just about wishing. It's about showing up daily, failing, learning, and showing up again. Dreams don't teach grit; the pursuit of something concrete does.
- It sets up for disappointment: Most "dreams" are statistical long shots. When they don't materialize, children can feel like failures, not because they didn't try, but because the goal itself was poorly defined and unmoored from reality.
- It prioritizes outcome over process: Life isn't a destination; it's a continuous journey of learning and adapting. Focusing solely on a dream can make the messy, beautiful process feel like an obstacle.
So, if not "follow your dreams," then what? What can we tell our children that is both inspiring and genuinely helpful?
Instead, Tell Them To: Follow Their Curiosity
Curiosity is the engine of discovery. It's not about a grand, fixed destination, but about the thrill of exploration. When you encourage a child to follow their curiosity, you're giving them a lifelong superpower.
Imagine a child fascinated by how things work. Instead of telling them to "dream of being an engineer," you tell them, "Go explore that! Take apart that old radio. Learn how to code. Ask questions. Read everything you can about it." This is active, engaging, and builds foundational skills.
Curiosity leads to skill acquisition. It leads to asking "why?" and "how?" It opens doors to unexpected paths that often turn out to be far more fulfilling than a pre-packaged "dream."
Instead, Tell Them To: Solve Problems
The world doesn't pay you for your dreams; it pays you for the value you create. And value, more often than not, comes from solving problems.
Encourage your children to look around them and identify challenges, big or small. "What bothers you about this? How could we make that better? What does someone need right now?"
This shifts the focus from internal fantasy to external contribution. A child who learns to identify problems and devise solutions, even simple ones, is developing an entrepreneurial mindset, empathy, and practical ingenuity. They're not just dreaming; they're doing.
Instead, Tell Them To: Build Skills and Create Value
Dreams are ethereal; skills are tangible. Skills are your currency in the real world. Whether it's coding, writing, building, communicating, critical thinking, or connecting with people – these are the bricks and mortar of a meaningful life and career.
Instead of "dream big," say: "Learn deeply. Practice relentlessly. Master a craft."
When you focus on building skills, you're empowering children with adaptability. The job market of tomorrow is a mystery, but a person with a robust toolkit of transferable skills will always find their way. And when they use those skills to create something, to solve a problem for others, that's when true value is generated – and often, the "dream" they never explicitly chased finds them.
The Real Path Forward
So, let's retire the well-worn phrase "follow your dreams." It's time for something more robust, more actionable, and more grounded in the reality of how success and fulfillment are actually forged.
Instead, let's tell our kids:
- "Follow your curiosity, relentlessly."
- "Look for problems to solve, big or small."
- "Build valuable skills and create things that matter."
This isn't about crushing their spirit; it's about giving them a more powerful, resilient, and ultimately more joyful way to navigate the world. It's about empowering them to build a life, brick by brick, fueled by genuine interest and real-world impact, rather than chasing a fleeting mirage.
What do you think? Is it time to change the narrative for the next generation?
